Untitled

"I'm fiercely independent, but I'm terrified of being alone." - Adam Levine

I quote that not because I have a huge crush on Adam Levine, or because Maroon 5 is going to perform in Jakarta this week. It's simply because it's true, he said what's exactly crossed my mind nowadays.

This blog post is called Untitled, because I actually have a lot of things in mind that I want to elaborate and write in here and I don't know exactly the point of this. I just want to write it down.

A dear friend told me that her recent medical check up shows bad results. She has myom on her uterus and cyst on both of her ovarium. They're big and many of them, it's bad, it's just bad. Doctor said it can be removed but it means that she has to loose her uterus and ovarium. She hasn't been married, for God's sake, and she's in her mid twenties. She choosed to try alternative medicine first, because however, she does want to have children one day. And she's afraid that nobody will ever want to marry her if she can't have children.

At some point, it got me thinking. So here is the harsh truth. My last medical checked up wasn't good either. The doctor detected cyst on one of my ovarium, but it's small. Doctor said there's nothing to be worried about, I just have to check it again, once in every 3 months, to monitor whether it grows or not. My next check up will be next week, hopefully the doctor is right, there's nothing to be worried about and all is well.

But if I were on my friend's shoes, God forbid, I may choose the other way. I want to live. I want to be healthy and alive. Doctor can remove whatever it needs to be removed. And about the husband-to-be, I believe that if he loves me, he won't bother that I can have his children or not. A child can come from many ways.

About what Adam said earlier, I am an independent woman now. And I admit that I'm terrified of being alone. But now I want to see this from other perspective. If something bad happens, however it's gotta be happening for a reason. Maybe God wants me to change my purpose of life, my direction, or even my life. God always has a better plan. So I don't mind if that means I have to be alone in this life. I won't be terrified of it. Someone said that it's better to be alone rather than being in a bad company.

And it proves me that Mpok was right. I should choose my future husband wisely. I don't want a knight in shining armor. I don't want a prince to slay the dragons for me. I can slay the dragons by myself. I just want someone who will always be there. No matter what the future holds. In our rainy or shiny days, whether we're sicker or healthier, richer or poorer. Just being there, with me. Nothing more or less. Being there, or nothing at all.

Well, it's an emotional post. And very personal. I just need to write it down, clear up my mind. You don't have to read it or like it, okaaay?

crossed path

i do hope our path will cross one day
in the mean time, i wish you all the happiness that you deserve
and may God lighten your burden and give you a strong back

till we meet again,,,

A Privilege

*taken from The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

The Lake House

Disclaimer : 

Review ini banyak spoilernya. Please stop reading if you don't want to know the spoiler

Ini pilem lamanya abang Keanu Reeves,,, tsaaah abaaaang,,, wkwkwk,,,, 

Dulu nonton di 21 saat masi di Jakarta, keluar bioskop dengan perasaan mengharu biru. Eh di malam Sabtu yang sepi nan galau kemarin, pilem ini diputer di Warner TV. Nonton lagi, dan mengharu biru lagi.

Bukan semata-mata karena ada Keanu Reeves, tapi juga ceritanya, walau agak gak masuk akal juga. But hey, I believe that miracle does exist,, :)) So I choose to ignore all the impossibilities and coincidences, just enjoy the movie. Dan wajah ganteng Keanu Reeves tentunyaaaa,,,, :D

Ceritanya tentang Kate, dokter wanita di Chicago yang menyaksikan kecelakaan lalu lintas di depan matanya, tepat di hari Valentine, 14 Februari 2006. Seorang lelaki tertabrak bus dan meninggal di pangkuan Kate. Untuk menenangkan diri, Kate mengunjungi rumah sewaannya di pinggir danau, The Lake House. Saat pindah ke apartemennya di Chicago, Kate meninggalkan surat di kotak pos depan Lake House untuk penghuni berikutnya, meminta untuk mengirimkan surat atau paket ke alamat barunya. Menginformasikan juga bahwa bekas jejak kaki di jalan masuk dan kotak di loteng sudah ada sejak dulu. Surat Kate dibaca oleh Alex Wyler, kontraktor ganteng (yaeyalaaah, mas Keanuuuuu) yang baru pindah ke Lake House. Alex agak bingung baca surat Kate, karena dia tidak menemukan jejak kaki dan kotak yang diinfokan. Mulailah mereka saling menulis surat, melalui kotak surat di depan Lake House. Sampai Kate menemukan kejanggalan. Alex mencantumkan tahun 2004 di setiap suratnya, sedangkan saat itu tahun 2006.

Singkat cerita, mereka mengetahui bahwa mereka hidup dalam masa yang berbeda, terpisah 2 tahun. Walau menyadari keanehan ini, tapi mereka tetap meneruskan korespondensi. Alex mengajak Kate jalan-jalan keliling Chicago bersama-sama. This is my favourite part of the movie. Alex meletakkan peta yang sudah ditandai dengan rute dan tempat-tempat yang dikunjungi di kotak pos, lalu Alex dan Kate berjalan sesuai urutan rute dan petunjuk dalam peta tersebut. Bersama-sama, hanya dalam waktu yang berbeda, terpaut 2 tahun. 

"Don't worry Kate, we'll be together someday. I'll find a way to get close to you, take care of you."  Alex Wyler

They're getting closer. Sampai suatu hari Kate minta tolong pada Alex untuk mengambil dan menyimpan novel miliknya yang tertinggal di stasiun kereta api. And they met. Well, actually Alex saw the-2004-Kate and fell for her. Mereka sempat berdansa di acara ultah Kate, and Alex kissed her! Tentu saja the-2004-Kate tetep clueless dan berpikir kalo Alex was just another guy. Alex akhirnya mengajak the-2006-Kate untuk bertemu keesokan harinya (di tahun 2006), walau itu berarti Alex harus menunggu 2 tahun. Janjiannya di restoran Il Mare, yang nampaknya eksklusif banget, kalo ga reservasi jauh-jauh hari, ga bakal dapet tempat deh. Tenaaang, mereka dapat tempat kok, secara Alex pesan tempat dari tahun 2004. 

Di tahun 2006, Kate datang ke Il Mare dengan penuh harap, cantik, tersipu-sipu. Tapi Alex ga datang. Dan dimulailah sedih-sedihnya. Kate memilih kembali ke realita dan melarang Alex mengirimkan surat lagi. "Please let me let you go," kata Kate. Sedih deh lihat Alex-nya. Dia patah hati, memilih pindah dari Lake House dan meninggalkan surat-surat Kate di loteng (Yep, ternyata kotak di loteng itu punya Alex). Waktu tahun baru 2006, di tengah hiruk pikuk perayaan tahun baru, dia bengong ajah. You can read his mind "Well Kate, I'm finally here, in your time." 

Kemudian tibalah hari Valentine, 14 Februari 2006. Alex ingat di salah satu suratnya, Kate pernah cerita kalau di hari itu dia sedang duduk di taman dan menyaksikan kecelakaan, dan si pria yang jadi korban meninggal dunia. Alex kembali ke Lake House, memastikan lagi dengan membaca surat-surat Kate. Sementara Kate yang udah sampai di tahun 2008, ceritanya udah move on dooong. Punya pacar, beli rumah bareng dan mengunjungi suatu firma arsitektur untuk mendesain rumah barunya. Di firma itu, Kate melihat gambar The Lake House, yang ternyata digambar oleh kakak si Arsiteknya. Guess what? Si kakak itu namanya Alex Wyler. Too bad, Alex sudah meninggal tepat di tanggal itu, 2 tahun yang lalu. 

Ternyata, lelaki yang meninggal tertabrak bus itu Alex. Sedih ga loooo? That's why he didn't show up at Il Mare. Kate langsung lari ke Lake House, menulis surat ke Alex, memberi tahu bahwa dia adalah pria yang tertabrak bus di taman. Bahwa walaupun Alex melihatnya di tahun 2006, di taman itu, jangan mendekat. Supaya Alex tetap hidup dan selamat. Karena Kate mencintainya, dan meminta Alex menunggu 2 tahun (again!) dan datang menemuinya di Lake House di tanggal yang sama di tahun 2008. She prayed so hard that Alex would read her letter and be safe. 

Terus mereka ketemu ga? Tentu saja ketemuuuu,,,, This time Alex shows up! Mas Nunu dengan gantengnya dateng ke Lake House dan mereka ketemu. Kali ini mereka bener-bener ketemu. "You've waited,'' kata Kate. Jadi kalo diitung-itung, Alex nunggu 4 tahun lamanya, to hold her in his arms. Aktingnya Keanu Reeves dan Sandra Bullock ngena banget deh. The waiting, the curiousity, the patience, the longing, the excitement,,, it felt so real. You can feel it like you experience it by yourself.

Oh well,,, this movie is heart warming. Salah satu film yang akan gw tonton berulang kali, seperti Sleepless in Seattle, Serendipity dan Love Actually. Dan yang pasti, Mas Nunuuuu,,,, aku padamuuuh,,,, :D

The things you'd do for love

Gara-gara baca Antologi Rasa nih.
Novel yang ditulis Ika Natassa, seorang banker, juga penulis.

Awal bacanya males-malesan, tapi ternyata sekali baca, ga pengen brenti.
Ceritanya tentang 4 orang sahabat, Harris, Ruly, Denise, Keara.
Harris suka Keara, Keara suka Rully, Rully suka Denise.
Denise? Not happily married.

Gw ga bakal cerita detailnya, yang pasti semuanya ngikutin kata hatinya.
Melakukan hal-hal bodoh demi cintanya dan orang tercintanya.
Seperti punya playlist lagu-lagu favorit si tercinta di ipod, walau bukan seleranya.
Bangkrut demi beli tiket pesawat dan tiket nonton F1 di Singapura cuma karena diajakin si tercinta.
Mengikutinya melakukan hobinya, walau sepanjang jalan dikacangin.
Membelikan bubur ayam setiap pagi, cuma biar bisa sarapan bareng.
Well, the things we would happily do for love. even the stupid one,,, :)

Hari ini juga membahagiakan, kabar baik dari beberapa teman.
Ada yang lamaran, ada yang lagi mempersiapkan hari H pernikahannya, ada yang sedang hamil.
Gw merasa ikut bahagia, karena sedikit banyak gw tau cerita mereka.
The things they had done for their love.
And seeing their happiness makes me happy.
Dan tentu saja berdoa, hopefully my time will come.
If you'd only knew the things I had done and I would do for love, hahaha,,,, ;)

Renungan Hari Ini

"@TeladanRasul: dan wanita-wanita yg baik adalah untuk laki2 yg baik dan laki2yg baik adalah untuk wanita-wanita yg baik (pula)(QS.24:26)"
Berusaha jadi wanita yang lebih baik, demi jodoh yang baik juga, Insya Allah,,, :)

Sent from my iPhone

Sometimes

Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right
Be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

Sometimes - Britney Spears

Sent from my iPhone

Kamu

Kalau saya boleh meminta,
Saya ingin kamu memiliki selera humor,
Yang bisa membuat saya tertawa sepanjang hidup saya,
Yang bisa membuat saya tersenyum saat sedang mengalami bad hair day,
Yang bisa membuat saya melupakan kesedihan saya.

Kalau saya boleh memilih,
Saya ingin kamu juga suka baca buku dan koleksi buku,
Sehingga kita bisa membahas buku yang sama,
Sehingga kita bisa saling menceritakan isi buku yang sedang kita baca,
Sehingga kita bisa punya perpustakaan bersama,

Kalau saya boleh meminta,
Saya berharap kamu dapat memahami selera tontonan saya yang aneh,
Bahkan menemani saya menontonnya,
Mulai dari film komedi romantis yang sooo cheesy,
Film horor yang selalu saya tonton dengan mendekap bantal,
Hingga film detektif dan thriller mengenai serial killer.

Kalau saya boleh memilih,
Saya ingin bertemu kamu sekarang,
Tapi saya percaya Tuhan punya rencana yang lebih indah,
Tuhan sedang mempersiapkan saya untuk menjadi yang terbaik buat kamu,
Begitu juga sebaliknya,
Sehingga saat kita bertemu, we'll be very thankful for each other.

Jadi dimanapun kamu berada,
Semoga Tuhan senantiasa bersamamu,
Melindungimu dalam setiap hal yang kamu lakukan

So I guess I'll see you when I see you,
Hopefully soon,,, :)

Someone to share

@BestFilmQuotes : "Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone, with whom to share this life." -Paris, je t'aime (2006)

counting my blessings

i know i am a grumpy girl,,, complaining about this and that
always found something is wrong, unsatisfied, even sometimes it sounds ungrateful
it brought me  negative spirit

lately i heard couple of sad news
my friend's mother passed away
my other friend's sister had cancer and the doctor just gave up
she's just waiting her time

those news made me thinking
i am lucky enough to be alive and healthy
and so is my family, my beloved parents and brother

and then i started to count my blessings
my job is pretty good
well,,,it is not easy, but i make a damn good living with it
i am almost thirty years old,,,and still single
i want to meet my soulmate and get married soon
but maybe God has a bigger plan
maybe God give me a chance to do anything that I want before I committed to someone
so instead of feeling sad, i intend to do "anything" that's possible
so i bought a ticket to singapore, together with indah
it's going to be our adventure
maybe after singapore we could take a huge leap to europe,,, :)
amiiiiin....

anyways,,,,moral of this posting is,,,
i want to be a grateful person
someone who is content, fulfill and thankful for everything
i will keep my positive mind
i will cherish this moment with all that i have
and i will keep my eyes open,,,
just in case my prince charming is around,,,, :)

Incomplete

RT @ihatequotes: We're all incomplete, and therefore we're always searching for somebody to complete us. -Tom Robbins #ihatequotes

sent via UberTwitter

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday,,, ☺
You're a year older and hopefully a lot wiser.
This may not be the greatest & happiest birthday for you, considering what you're going through these last 2 days, but surely it will be a memorable one,,,
I'm wishing you all the next best things and happy always, all ways.

May Allah SWT be with you through out the years to come,,,, ☺

Doa untuk seorang teman

Semoga kejadian ini tidak membuatmu gentar,
Semoga kejadian ini ada hikmahnya bagi kita semua,
Semoga kejadian ini semakin meningkatkan skill dan keilmuanmu.

Semoga kamu tetap tenang,
Semoga kamu tetap fokus dan konsentrasi,
Semoga kamu tidak terpengaruh oleh semua cerita dan tuduhan yang beredar,
Semoga Allah SWT senantiasa melindungimu, amin.

What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger,,, ☺
Semangat yaaaaaa,,,

Valentine's Day

I always ♡ Valentine's Day,,,really,,,
All the love songs that played over & over again, comrom movies that I've never got bored to watch, and the red or pink colour that paint all over the world,,, such a festive moment,,,
But this valentine's day is kinda sucks,,, dunno exactly why,,,
Maybe because I can't celebrate it here, I can't meet my besties in Jakarta, my brother, my parents, and I don't have any boyfriend to share it with.
So anyway,,, I invite a friend to come over & I'll cook spaghetti, for celebration,,,*maksa abiiiis*
This Valentine's Day also got me wanna write about my love life, something that some of my friends. & relatives had frequently asked.
They said, "what r u waiting for?u have a great job, u're almost 30. Just pick someone & get married." In a shorter line, they thought that I'm too picky. Well, helloooo,,, it's about a lifetime commitment. It's my right to be picky, it's my right to take my time.
I don't want a prince charming or a knight in shining armors. I want a real thing. Someone that I can share my life, my dreams, my hopes and even my fears. Someone that I can depend on, considering I'll put my whole life and heart in his hands. Someone that's humble enough when he's succeed, but strong enough to get up on his feet again each time he falls down. See,,,how can I measure those qualification in a man? ☺
It will be a lot easier if the qualification can be quantified. Something like,,,'I want a man with income more than 100mio in a year' or 'A man whose assets are worth more than 500mio' or 'A man with IQ not less than 150'. But it's impossible to do so. Chemistry can't be quantified. Manner, religion, vision, persistency, and other qualification that I want in a man, can't be quantified. A colleague blame my jobs, I was a credit reviewer in a bank, and now one of my job desc is a risk analyst. So he thought that I'm over-analyst in picking a man....:D Well...it could be... But it's better to do so rather than being clumsy and irresponsible, to pick any man to be my husband, the father of my children. Heyy,,,I want my children to be smart, cute, great and everything also.
Of course I've fallen in love with some guys, for a moment, for a season. Some are great guys, some other are not so great,hahaha,,,, Do u remember the economy law about supply vs demand? Well,,,so far supply doesn't meet demand. Not only from my side, but from theirs also. The guys I like don't like me back while the guys who like me,,,I just don't like them back,,, It's complicated, I know.
All I want for this Valentine's Day is....to fall in love. To jump and fall deeply madly in love with a qualified man...amiiin...

long distance relationship

Semalem gw ceting ama temen gw. Dari yang awalnya chit chat biasa akhirnya kita ngebahas soal menikah, why on earth are we still single? This conversation led us to long distance relationship (LDR) topic. Is it possible? I told him that it’s possible, I do believe in LDR. It’s going to need extra works, but it’s possible. I’ve seen many living proves, that it’s actually works.

But he didn’t think so. He doesn’t believe in LDR. He tried once and failed. He agreed it’s going to need extra works, extra trust, extra love. And it’s exhausting.

Mengingat hidup gw yang nampaknya bakal berpindah-pindah, dan tidak selalu di kota besar, most likely gw bakal memiliki LDR. Jadi gw bilang ama dia, I choose to believe, to be positive. He said, that’s because I haven’t had any experience on this. Well..it might be true. But on my humble opinion, if we love someone, really love someone, nothing else matters. It doesn’t matter how far we’re apart, but what we have together, what we feel for each other. Lagian ya bo...hare geneeee... Dunia semakin menyempit, serasa dalam genggaman kita... *apalagi kalo pake BB..:D..* Komunikasi mah bisa dijabanin dengan berbagai cara. Tidak sesusah dulu, tidak semahal dulu. If you love someone that much, there’s more than one way to be together. Besides, to err is human, rite? We failed once but that doesn’t mean we’ll give up trying.

But hey, that’s me.. Yang suka over-romantic, yang suka pilem2 comrom, yang suka happy-ending-stories.. :D Yang masi berharap ada pangeran di luar sana, yang ga peduli gw ada di cepu dan dia entah di mana, yang amanah dan percaya ama gw, and somehow, someday, we’ll be together eventually. Kalo menurut lo??